A Ride up the Escalator

Nicholson Baker’s first novel, ‘The Mezzanine,’ offers a witty, exacting look at the tedium of everyday life and the objects that make our world of convenience possible.

Long gone are the days of paper CVS bags. Even 30 years ago, when Nicholson Baker wrote The Mezzanine, plastic bags were making their conquest of shops everywhere, including CVS branches around the country.

Baker’s 1988 debut novel obsesses over things like paper versus plastic bags, or the time it takes for a shoelace to snap from wear, or the experience of riding an escalator  — in short, the minutiae of the manmade world. And it all takes place during the one-hour lunch break of its protagonist, Howie, a 23-year-old whose mechanical mind is relentlessly occupied by the details of daily life.

Howie has been a businessman for all of four months, which has given him time to develop a carefully planned routine for his workday, down to his five-shirt dry cleaning schedule. But two broken shoelaces (fraying off less than 48 hours apart from one another) prompt him to pay a visit to CVS for replacements. In that hour — which makes up all 135 pages of the novel — Howie contemplates everything from the loss of brain cells to corporate bathroom flatulence. Those topics are examples of what Baker does best: making the odd relatable.

Reading The Mezzanine is a meditative task. The farther up the escalator you ascend with Howie, the sharper your mind becomes, especially as you traverse Baker’s ridiculously extended footnotes and lists, a source of inspiration for David Foster Wallace. You begin to notice, or at least notice that you’ve always noticed, life’s details. Why do straws float uncontrollably out of a can of soda? (Howie prefers weighty paper straws.) When will my shoelaces finally give out? And, perhaps most importantly, why do rubber escalator grips move at a slightly different speed than the escalator itself?

Despite its relatability, The Mezzanine begs for a modern update. In 2019, we no longer “xerox” things, but we do “slack” them. Offices have changed a lot in three decades, but some fundamental aspects of office culture have not. It’s still awkward to acknowledge a coworker you barely know in the hallway, or shake your hands dry after using an inadequate restroom hand dryer.

What would Baker’s character make of modern technology? Today, Howie would be 54 years old, presumably preoccupied with Seinfeldian thoughts like:

1. The lack of a home button on new iPhones
2. Waiting for an Uber on a busy street as vacant taxis pass by
3. Finding ways to jump over paywalls to read news articles

Howie may love today’s world, full of more conveniences than ever. Then again, he’d certainly hate the absence of mechanical (in favor of digital) wonders. He would have one cause to celebrate, however. Eco-friendly paper straws have made a comeback, sinking firmly into soda cans everywhere. Paper bags, on the other hand, have yet to return.

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Here Are All the Ways, Legal and Illegal, College is Rigged for the Rich

No one ever said the college admissions system was fair. Just like many for profit industries, the wealthy have an easier time getting their children into elite universities.

In light of the recent college admissions scandal, universities have faced increased scrutiny over their admissions processes, both legal and illegal. The cost of college tuition, which is rising nearly eight times faster than national wages, has already been a controversial topic among economists. This is a startling figure for baby Boomers and Generation Xers, most of whom didn’t have to take out student loans to graduate. But that’s not the only way universities are keeping out the middle-class.

Well-off parents routinely give generous endowments to schools in the hopes that they admit their children, including one exceptional pledge by senior White House advisor Jared Kushner’s father ($2.5 million) to help his son get into Harvard university.

In addition to wealthy students, legacy students are also given an advantage. A student whose parents are alumni of their would-be university are more likely to get accepted than a non-legacy student. Harvard’s legacy rate is somewhere around 30 percent, four times higher than the national average.

While many schools don’t take legacy into account (MIT, Caltech, UC Berkeley), it’s still an important factor for elite universities, and routinely favors affluent white families. Much like elite career paths and showbiz, college admissions can be about fostering personal connections to get ahead.

Many aspects of the college admissions process are meant to level the playing field for students of all socioeconomic backgrounds, like testing and personal essays. However, wealthy parents pay for SAT and ACT tutors, test-prep courses, and essay tutors, while many families may not be able to afford them.

This has been a standard practice for as long as admissions testing has existed, but it means that money can help secure an acceptance letter. Money has literally bought acceptance letters recently, as actresses Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin, implicated in the college admissions scandal, have proven.

Love to Travel? These Are the Highest-Paying Careers That Let You See the World

Do you spend most of the year at your nine-to-five desk job waiting for your two weeks of vacation? Why not get paid to travel the world instead? While most careers that let you travel aren’t high-paying (think English teachers, au pairs, or tour guides), some careers offer six figures, plus the chance to see the world.

1. Cruise Ship Director

Spending your time running a cruise ship means you’ll get paid to go to destinations all over the world. The cruise ship director is responsible for producing and running events like live performances, parties, and lectures, as well as speaking during those events to represent the cruise line.

The average salary for a cruise ship director is $136,000, so you can expect to have plenty of spending money when the ship docks. It’s like being a hotel manager, except that the hotel floats.

2. Foreign Affairs Officer

For those interested in international affairs, working for the U.S. State Department as a foreign affairs officer may be ideal. In this position, you can expect to be assigned to any embassy around the world and specialize in management, public, economic, consular, or political diplomacy.

To get this position, you’ll have to take the foreign service officer test (FSOT), which you can only take once a year. It’ll test your knowledge on global affairs and problem solving, and takes three hours to complete. But for an average salary of nearly $95,000, that’s not asking for much.

3. Hotel Manager

This job’s title is fairly straightforward — the hotel manager makes sure every aspect of a hotel is running smoothly, which is no small task. Managers are rooted to their hotel, which can be located in any part of the world, but routinely travel abroad for conferences.

A career in hospitality is required to move up the ranks in this industry, but if you reach the top, your salary will be somewhere around $114,000.

4. Luxury Travel Advisor

Travel agents are a thing of the past now that the internet offers easy bookings, deals, and recommendations. But luxury travel advisors fill a niche that still exists — where should the rich go when they want to get away from it all?

Typically, advisors partner with five-star hotels or work personally with the rich and famous to find the best hotels, restaurants, and attractions. It can take some time to earn $100,000, because connections in the exclusive world of luxury travel are often needed.

5. Travel Publicist

Like most publicists, this job requires maintaining a relationship with the media. You’ll be representing anyone from hotels to airlines to cruise lines, managing their image with the press.

A vice president at a travel PR agency makes nearly $119,000, and living a lavish lifestyle to woo journalists isn’t so bad, either.

Why You Should Spend More Than 3 Days in Amsterdam

When I studied abroad in Amsterdam, friends from my home town of New York would frequently visit me, but never for more than a long weekend. When asked why, they said that Amsterdam is the sort of place one makes a brief stop in.

Amsterdam is a world capital, just like London or Paris, yet it’s seen as a long weekend destination. (And, for those seeking copious amounts of alcohol, weed, or even prostitutes, it’s a lost weekend destination.)

But this charming city deserves more of your time. Once you’ve been there for three days, you’ve probably seen two museums, taken a canal cruise, spent the night drinking in the Red Light District, woke up late the next morning, and are now scrambling to pack for your flight to Paris/London/Berlin. By the time you’re leaving, Amsterdam is only warming up.

De Pijp

Amsterdam is not just made up of canal houses. It radiates out, like ripples in a lake. It starts with Centrum, the most densely packed, tourist-laden area in all the Low Countries. Otherwise known as Postcard Amsterdam, Centrum has an area of only 3.10 square miles. Most tourists don’t venture far from there. The city then continues through rings of canals, when cheesy museums and souvenir shops give way to quieter streets and inviting bars.

Past the canal rings lies De Pijp, a hip and trendy neighborhood built up in the 19th century. You’ll only find canals and the Amstel river lining the edges of this neighborhood. But what it lacks in water, it makes up for in thrift stores, flea markets, record shops, and boutiques. The streets are wider than in Centrum, and because the buildings are comparatively newer than their 17th and 18th century cousins, they’re taller and more ornate.

The main attraction is Albert Cuypmarkt, an outdoor street market that’s open throughout the day. Almost every time I walked through to pick up some groceries (which was often), I was assailed by the friendly chicken man from Benny’s Chicken. I believe it was Benny himself who shouted “Try my chicken!” repeatedly until he managed to flag someone down. Whereas most hawkers only succeed in making me flee, Benny, with his long curly blonde hair and broad smile, drew me in. He handed me a piece of fried meat on a toothpick and it was delicious. I immediately ordered a chicken sandwich.

Benny’s Chicken, a supremely friendly and tasty fast food joint.

Watergraafsmeer & Amsterdam-Zuid

Past De Pijp lay some neighborhoods that may make you ask, “Am I still in Holland?” My old neighborhood, Watergraafsmeer, is one such place. I had cafes and bars a short bike ride away to the north, but to the south, away from Centrum, was Amstel Business Park. There, some of the city’s only high rises loomed in the distance, almost as if someone had transplanted Philadelphia in southeast Amsterdam.

My former home on Pierre Lallementstraat in Watergraafsmeer.

A view of the Amstel River looking south towards the looming Amstel Business Park.

My old university, Vrije Universiteit, or the VU, is on the edge of town in Amsterdam-Zuid. Cycling here each morning felt like finding my way into some dystopian world where Amsterdam is building giant condos and office blocks that look somewhat like spaceships. But it’s really happening, and has been for some time.

One of the shockingly high-tech buildings on the Vrije Universiteit (the VU) campus.

But these areas are worth visiting. You’ll see where the locals go, and where Amsterdam is headed. Instead of tourists, you’ll see Dutch people riding to work in immaculate suits, or carting their three children in specially modified bikes that resemble oversized wheelbarrows. You’ll see youths speeding around on Vespas, or elderly women speeding around on bicycles. You’ll rarely see stressed business people late for work, or hunched-over elderly people trudging down the streets. You may not encounter a single homeless person.

Rent a bicycle and head south. Besides, you can get to almost any point in the city in 20 minutes if you’re as fast as the locals. And the cycling is much easier beyond the canals, away from the steep humps of bridges, locals shoulder to shoulder at rush hour, narrow bike lanes, or cars passing you within a fraction of an inch.

Amsterdam-Noord

For those who are less interested in Amsterdam’s plentiful supply of museums, there are enough cafes, bars, and coffeeshops to lose yourself in for a week. Many of these establishments — both old and new — are cozy and inviting, or as the Dutch say, gezellig. The dark wood-paneled walls and heavy wooden tables and chairs, coupled with soft, warm lighting make you feel right at home. If you want something more like a West Village New York dive bar, Amsterdam does that well, too.

The brilliant jazz band from the Norderlicht Cafe.

The Norderlicht Cafe in Amsterdam-Noord offers fantastic live bands as well as a view of the city across the IJ bay. A friend recommended it to me while my Californian father was visiting me (just for a long weekend), so I took him. On a sunny yet chilly April afternoon, we found ourselves sitting outside, Dutch beers in hand, enjoying the cafe’s live music. The band was a vibrant jazz combo reworking classic songs with saxophones, electric guitar, and a Hammond organ. Those elements together, plus the view of the old city across the bay, the sunset, and the trendy locals (and oh, the glorious 3 euro beer!) turned it into a magical evening.

And the coffeeshop La Tertulia — I’m told — is a cozy place to smoke marijuana in.

It’s almost impossible to get the essence of a city as vibrant as Amsterdam in only three days. After living there for nearly six months, I only got a taste.